


The Strangest Feeling

by WitchyWriter



Category: Vampire Chronicles - Anne Rice
Genre: Angst, Canon-Typical Behavior, Catholic Guilt, Declarations Of Love, Depression, Developing Relationship, Dialogue Heavy, Fluff, Gay Panic, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Mutual Pining, Nicolas de Lefent (Mention), POV Third Person, Slow Burn, Slow Romance, Soft Lestat, Suicidal Thoughts, Unrequited Love, canon-typical mental illness, so much crying
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-24
Updated: 2020-05-27
Packaged: 2021-03-03 00:23:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 22,402
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24355774
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WitchyWriter/pseuds/WitchyWriter
Summary: Louis had become so wrapped up in his depression after being turned that he missed any and every sign that Lestat had feelings for him. Will his melancholy and guilt prevent him from seeing the full picture? Or will the realization of their circumstances pull them closer together more than Louis could've ever imagined?
Relationships: Lestat de Lioncourt/Louis de Pointe du Lac
Comments: 12
Kudos: 70





	1. You're About to Miss Everything

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first series back after a small hiatus, I hope you guys enjoy it!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dialogue lightly based on the song 'Bulls in the Bronx' by Pierce the Veil

The mix of sadness and rage he felt was dangerously close to consuming him. He had never felt such pain before, the death of his brother and the burning of his childhood home merely scratched the surface of what he now deemed to be hell. Louis didn’t know what to do with himself; if he wasn’t weeping or praying, he was at Lestat’s throat and begging for a merciful death. The constant reminder of what he had done to himself was forever reflected in the vampire’s fangs and its meaninglessness to him in the lightness of his laughter. The sound infuriated Louis, he was certain that he wouldn’t be able to stand it another minute let alone for the rest of time. The very idea of having to live longer than the next night still kept him from sleeping; if it wasn’t for the grip of sunlight he wouldn’t sleep at all. 

The inability to get drunk as he did when he was a mortal rendered him completely unable to escape Lestat’s incessant chatter. If he drifted away for longer than a minute it was almost quiet, almost. 

“…but I would never take such a small role in- are you even listening to me?” Lestat slapped the table so hard the sound reverberated throughout the room. Although they had no need for a dining room table, they had fallen into a routine of sitting for what would’ve been their supper. It was strange, but Louis enjoyed the subtle taste of normalcy to his nights and Lestat was willing to entertain him.

He blinked rapidly and looked to the clock, surprising even himself when he realized that he’d been gone for fifteen minutes. “Of course I’m listening, you don’t give me much of a choice.”

Lestat sucked on his teeth, flashing his fangs casually and leaned in,“Then what was I saying? I mean honestly, I could be discussing the secrets of our kind and you’d pay it as much mind as a lecture on the importance of a fork.” The only thing that latched Louis’ attention was the dramatic flail of Lestat’s hands. 

Lestat watched him slowly drift away again, the vibrancy in his green eyes fading away by the second until they looked like the murky waters of a swamp. If he wasn’t so irritated, he’d gladly watch him in silence until the sun came up. Something was wrong with him tonight though. The never-ending sadness was something Lestat had grown used to; they’d lived together for months at this point and an evening wasn’t complete if Louis hadn’t spent hours sulking. But this wasn’t the same sadness, he hadn’t sat himself in the corner to pray or paced nonstop in the hall muttering to himself once.

Lestat was worried, though he’d never show it. 

The green eyes flashed again, wherever Louis went, he had come back angry, “And yet you never do! From my memory all you seen to ramble about is yourself! You hold me here night after night with the promise of teachings that never come, is my only purpose to serve as your audience?” Louis stood and threw his chair carelessly behind him, making a hole in the delicate white plaster.

He looked from the wall to the Louis’ face, twisted now in a grimace that Lestat hadn’t seen before, “Well no, but it would be nice if the audience would be attentive for once. Even if I was to tell you the ways of old, you have the attention span of a butterfly Louis.” He tried his best to sound casual and nonchalant, but the subtle heave of his fledgelings chest and the veins appearing behind his temples only increased his concern.

“Be that as it may, I’m bound to you for one reason and one reason alone, to learn what I need to survive. If you can’t, no _refuse _, to give me that then I…” Louis disappeared in the middle of his sentence, catching his own reflection in the mirror over the fireplace and staring wistfully into his own eyes. The utter lack of color in his skin and hollowness of his cheeks scared him; never had he so reminded himself of a corpse. He fell to his knees in front of Lestat’s chair, the blood tears falling before he could stop them, “Then I refuse to survive.”__

__Lestat scoffed, he preferred Louis angry than weeping, “What the hell is that supposed to mean? We have all of eternity before us and you’re speaking such nonsense in your first six months of true life? I won’t allow it.” He tried to get up and leave, but Louis caught him by the ankle and forced him back down._ _

__He rose from his knees and grabbed Lestat by the shoulders, “I would much prefer to end my life tonight than sit another at this table and listen to your stories from Paris.” He spoke with no emotion, as he had none left._ _

__“I won’t allow it.” Lestat grit his teeth and brushed Louis’ hands off of him as he stood._ _

__He laughed with such contempt Lestat caught the sour taste in his mouth and whipped around. It sounded like the wind on a cold winters night, a howl that shook the shutters of a house and woke you from the deepest of sleeps. Louis’ melancholic episodes had never looked like this before and for the first time since turning him, Lestat had no idea what his fledgling was about to do. Standing up to Lestat was an act that few people survived and he was not above killing his own kind. What he had come to realize though, is that Louis was not one of his own kind._ _

__Louis wiped his eyes with the cuff of his shirt, smearing the fabric with red. He stood in silence for a few moments with his hands on his hips and only continued after laughing again, “How dare you, you should truly be ashamed of yourself. Don’t turn your back on me you bastard! You owe me this! You lock me in this eternal damnation with you and then deny me the very knowledge I need to survive? I’m locked to you, chained to you! Can you sincerely not stand being alone so badly that you’d lock another man in this infantile hell?”_ _

__Lestat clapped his hands together, “I gave you a choice! If you wanted to die so badly I would’ve gladly left you to do so!” He lied, the sinking feeling of Louis’ words fully hitting him in the chest. “But no, you chose to come with me and live a life without death or disease; you may call it what you will, but never forget that you chose to be the way you are, the way _we _are!”___ _

____“The words of a man on death’s door mean very little when he’s yet to experience the full burdens of being a man.” Louis spoke quietly, almost to himself, as he walked absently towards Lestat. “With the pain of forever in front of me, I wish to feel the burden of not knowing a thing.” Louis refused to look at him and it was here that Lestat was convinced Louis was no longer speaking to him, but to God. “I shall die knowing as little as I did my last day of mortal life and in that choice, which is of a man with the world at his leisure, I am satisfied.”_ _ _ _

____“There’s only one problem, you’re not a man.”_ _ _ _

____Louis seemed to float into the next room, hearing Lestat but ignoring him as he always did. Lestat followed, less out of worry at what he was to do next, but in raw intrigue. He had never been so drawn to him before, not since the midnight Lestat had first seen him and decided their fate before they had ever crossed paths. He had never met someone so beautiful, the likes of their own kind before Louis’ very conception could not compare in his mind. To think that he was partly responsible for such a face gave him an odd sense of pride. Despite the harshness of everything Louis had said, every syllable came out more eloquent than the last because his lips willed it so._ _ _ _

____He was a mess of a creature and an utter travesty of a vampire, but Lestat decided that he could deal with both if it meant having the pleasure of looking at him whenever he wanted to._ _ _ _

____The fledgeling sat himself in front of the large picture window overlooking the busy street below. The laughter and sounds of life taunted him. He felt as though the seconds were years that went by and every person he saw would feel the release of an end that he could only hope for. Louis hated and adored them all the same._ _ _ _

____Lestat watched him silently from across the room, he knew Louis hated him; he seemed to always have fledgelings that did. In what remained of his heart the truth became clear to him: Louis would forever be a million miles away. An untouchable distance separated them and his melancholy filled the gaps. Lestat could only dream of what went on inside his head and he would only know life from a distance. This was a fate he was willing to accept, for he had his own secrets that he would sooner die than let anyone find out._ _ _ _

____“They’ll never see what we see.” Lestat spoke finally, appearing over his shoulder and gesturing to the people walking below them. “They will grow old, die from the plague, or even be taken before the can make their first breath. They will know pain beyond our physical capabilities and they will know an end we will never touch. We have been granted the joys and freedom of forever. We can be whoever we choose, see whatever we wish to see and the richness of life denied to some from birth can become the very air we breathe. The first year is always the hardest, for some of us more than others. But please, don’t whisk yourself off a building so soon Louis. You’re about to miss everything.”_ _ _ _

____Louis looked up at him, the crimson shade of his tears staining his skin like blush rather than a murder scene. “If I mean anything to you, please let me die.”_ _ _ _

____“I’ll make a deal with you,” Lestat sat down next to him and placed a gentle hand on his knee. “If you still crave death at the end of your first year, then I will grant it to you. But, before then, you must give me the chance to show you that there’s some fun in forever. Besides the blood and coffins, there’s a lot of things that make this life of ours worth the torment.”_ _ _ _

____He thought for a moment, watching Lestat’s face for the hint of a lie and finding nothing but his small smile and glittering eyes. Staring at him for so long made his chest hurt, a peculiar feeling that if he didn’t know any better, he would have mistaken for a heart attack. Louis looked away in embarrassment and clutched his hands around himself in a tight hug._ _ _ _

____“Fine, you have a year. But I can almost assure you that it will end in my demise.”_ _ _ _

____This reluctant agreeance felt like a weight lifted from Lestat’s shoulders. The thought of coming home one evening to find Louis at the bottom of the fireplace had flashed in his mind on several occasions. If there was anything he could do to keep Louis alive and by his side, he would do it in a heartbeat. Convincing him to consider being a vampire instead of a pile of bones in a year isn’t what he hoped to have to do, but beggars can’t be choosers._ _ _ _

____He smiled at the idea of their forever and pat Louis on the shoulder, and despite being brushed off, he laughed as though he heard the funniest joke in the world. “A year it is then.” Lestat moved away from the window and to the front door, “Shall we start tonight?” Louis didn’t hear him though, he had disappeared again. Lestat watched his eyes blink and scan the building across the street and he could almost hear the wheels spinning in his head. As pretty as he was to look at, Lestat didn’t like to be ignored. He knocked on the door and coughed to gather his attention, though he was startled instead._ _ _ _

____Louis looked over, the red still brimming his eyes and an annoyed look on his face, “Can I help you?”_ _ _ _

____“Did you really not hear a thing I said, it was one of my best performances yet.” Lestat rolled his eyes and tapped a long fingernail on the doorknob._ _ _ _

____He scoffed, “Then I didn’t miss much.”_ _ _ _

____Lestat sputtered and for once had nothing to say in response, making Louis laugh for the first time since they had met. The sound made Lestat freeze and he wished that he could hear it forever. He wished to write a symphony with only that sound and play it for thousands of mortals so that they to can yearn for something which they could never have. When Lestat looked back to the window, Louis wasn’t there. The subtle rumblings of his coffin-lid sliding open from the next room became the only indication he was ever there at all. He sighed knowing that he would have to hunt alone again._ _ _ _

____The scent of life overwhelmed Lestat when he stepped out into the street. He looked up at the picture window from the sidewalk and smiled to himself, “He’ll come around eventually.”_ _ _ _

____Louis laid awake in his coffin until he heard the sound of Lestat’s open and close next to him sometime before dawn. The nights events came to him in vivid flashes and the thought of having to live more nights such as this made his face twitch. He found Lestat almost completely incorrigible, a sinful menace that ruined the very essence of what it meant to be miserable and alive. At least with mortal misery there were distractions to dull the senses; in this new existence he found himself constantly aware of his pain._ _ _ _

____His eyes closed as the sun peaked over the horizon, “What does a year mean in a life made of eternity?” He thought to himself as the sleep took him over._ _ _ _


	2. Teeth Like Needles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lestat convinces Louis to go out and hunt with him as he's concerned he's not eating enough. Of course, it goes wrong and the sounds of his crying drive Lestat insane.

It was almost two weeks before Louis would speak again, though to him it flashed by in what felt like a day. Lestat of course took this silence as an opportunity to fill it with his own voice. Rather than tell story after story of his life before America, he spoke now of the world outside their door. Louis dined almost exclusively in the house, never leaving beyond the front courtyard to find a mouse or bird before retreating back to his perch. These lectures on the newest mortal gossip or political drama kept his attention for longer than he would care to admit, he would dare even say he enjoyed them. 

Lestat was knee deep in the latest public scandal when the sound of Louis’ stomach cut him off. He paused and looked him up and down, they sat completely still at the dining room table as the sound came again and made Lestat throw his head back and laugh. 

“Is that a stray bird in your gullet Louis? Or are you just happy to see me?” His own joke made him laugh harder, and the dull blush that came over Louis’ cheeks only made it last longer. 

He shuffled uncomfortably in his seat at the implication and waved his hand for Lestat to continue the story, “Please just go on with it, sounded like you were actually going somewhere.” 

“Oh no, no, no; we’re not going to move past that. You can’t possibly listen to my _riveting _story on an empty stomach.” Lestat stood and walked over to Louis’ seat at the other end of the table, grabbed him full force by the coat sleeve and dragged him to the front door. It happened so quickly that he had no time to protest and before he knew it, they were at the front steps.__

__This was the first time that he had come fully face-to-face with the outside world in longer than he could remember. Unlike other vampires that Lestat had described as “shriveling wastes”, he wasn’t afraid of mortals or the light of the candles in street-lamps. Being surrounded with the air of joy that theses streets possessed distracted him more than his own head. It all reminded him of a zoo; looking into the enclosures of mortal life but being unable to fully reach it._ _

__Lestat snapped his fingers at the tip of Louis’ nose and scowled, “Wake up you sap, it’s time to eat.”_ _

__“You know I don’t like drinking mortal blood- don’t roll your eyes at me! I’m not playing this insolent game with you, I’m going back inside.” He turned back towards the door but Lestat’s firm grip on his wrist stopped him mid-turn._ _

__His voice was so soft, Louis almost mistook it for a beg, “You’ve left me to eat alone for almost a month now, could you just entertain me for tonight? Besides, you can’t live on the blood of birds Louis, it’s not enough.” Lestat let the concern be heard in his voice, which surprised him._ _

__“Oh so you’re worried about my health now? That’s rich coming from you.” He rolled his eyes and tried to pull away, but Lestat wouldn’t let him go. “Are you actually hurt by my leaving you alone?” Lestat didn’t answer, but his eyes said what his mouth wouldn’t. Louis rolled his eyes again and walked to the gate that separated them from the rest of the city, “Well come on then.”_ _

__Lestat’s face lit up and he clapped in rapid succession like an excited child, “I knew you didn’t really hate me, not completely at least!”_ _

__Louis barely paid attention to where they were headed, he let Lestat latch onto his hand and drag him wherever he wished. Colors passed him by in a blur as his vision faded in and out of focus. All he could really think about was the memory of the first time Lestat had ever touched him, how cold he felt then and how normal he felt now. The lightness of his stomach at the thought of Lestat’s firm grip made him stop in the middle of the street, promptly colliding his shoulder into another man’s and making his companion huff._ _

__“What is it now?” Lestat tried to tug him along, but he didn’t move. Louis’ eyes were planted firmly on the casual entwinement of their hands. Lestat followed his gaze and quickly pulled their hands apart when he realized what made him stop short. He sighed, “You really are a child aren’t you?”_ _

__Louis didn’t respond and Lestat, growing irritated in his own hunger, led them to a section of the city infamous for its criminal activity. In little to no time Lestat picked out a victim for them to share, a man who seemed to be keeping to himself in the darkest corner of an alley. He couldn’t see them, but Lestat most certainly could see him. Louis watched the charming, eloquent, bastard of a man he had come to know turn into a creature who’s steps barely made the faintest hint of an echo. Fear crept into him, the knowledge that this image he so hated was to become the backbone of his life appalled him. If he was too much of a coward to take his own life, how could he take the lives of others?_ _

__“Are you going to take his wrists or his neck Louis?” Lestat had rendered the man limp with a precise grip to his throat and looked up at him with a wild excitement. His tongue was practically hanging from his mouth and his lips were parted in such a way that his fangs glowed in the dim light._ _

__Louis walked over to the mans slack body and took his wrist into his hands, he was still warm and the rapid drumbeat of the heart filled his ears. To his right, Louis heard the delicate sound of skin tearing and the gentle moans of the blood taking Lestat over. He made the mistake of looking before eating and the sight would have made him throw up if he still had the ability. Lestat had already took what he could from the man’s wrist and moved swiftly to his throat. His eyes were half-closed in ecstasy and if Louis hadn’t started to cry as he slowly gnawed at the mans flesh, Lestat would’ve forgotten him entirely._ _

__Just as he was about to lock himself to the mans neck, Lestat looked down at him and sighed, “You haven’t even pierced the skin? Louis you have to- are you seriously bloody crying again?”_ _

__He looked down at the near cold wrist in front of him and mumbled “No” into the skin as he bit down. Louis hated that he enjoyed it, he hated the feeling of peace that came over his too-loud mind the second the blood reached the back of his throat. The feeling overwhelmed him, the knowledge that his pain for a moment could be quenched with a single bite made the tears fall harder._ _

__There was no attempt at hiding his disgust this time, looking away all he could see was Lestat wiping the blood from his stark white skin and the thunder of the mans fading heartbeat in his ears. He threw the mans arm as far away from him as he could; which of course due to his new strength meant pulling it clean off. With no concern of drawing the attention of the vagrants of the night, Louis let out a guttural scream and knew that he had to get away. He felt Lestat’s voice vibrate the ground under his feet and the light scraping of his nails against his arm, but all was lost to him._ _

__He ran._ _

__The sky had opened up to match the tears streaming down his face. Colors and sounds became muffled in the rain and the street lamps he had seen in his blurred vision minutes before were his only guide home. He had no idea how he got there without knocking someone down or causing a scene, but before he knew it he was at their front steps. Louis opened the gate with such a frenzy it was as though he was being chased. With shaky hands he unlocked the front door and slammed it behind him._ _

__Lestat watched him go and could hear the heavy weight of his steps on the cobblestone over the cracking of the thunder. The worry he had felt weeks before returned, but he couldn’t find it in himself to care just yet. The man dying under his grip had yet to be bled dry, and that in the moment held far more importance to him._ _

__After he drained and made some attempt at hiding the body, he strolled casually home. He knew that he would hear something from Louis when he got there. Some long lecture about morality and “how could he”; the usual bit that came from when they ate together. Though when he got home and found the front door unlocked and the sounds of sniffling coming from the study, he knew that Louis wasn’t in fighting shape tonight._ _

__“You did great tonight Louis, I’m honestly impressed you could put the skin to your mouth at all.” Lestat didn’t tell him this with sarcasm, he was genuinely proud of him. This went on deaf ears though, as Louis was curled into fetal position on the settee in front of the piano and looking absently at the pattern of the rug._ _

__Lestat sighed and made his way over to the piano, gently tapping on the keys before sitting down and straightening his back. He fell into a rhythm, playing nothing specific, but the melody that he found was sweet and pleasant. Subconsciously he hoped that his playing would wake Louis from his self-pity and he would become unchained from his melancholy entirely. But even he knew that was far too good to be true._ _

__Although he wasn’t paying much attention, the piano had caught Louis’ ear. His eyes had become locked in their position however. Their red-rimmed unmoving bleakness had found comfort in the cast of his shadow on the floor against the firelight. The tears had stopped, but every few minutes he would whimper at nothing at all._ _

__“If you’re going to keep whining like a puppy I’m going to leave you here to rot in the dark.” Lestat didn’t look away from the piano as he spoke, “I applaud you for coming out with me but I can’t stand the incessant sniffling, listen to the piano darling, it’ll make you feel better.”_ _

__Louis tensed at being referred to as “darling”. It startled him so much that he sat up and brought his knees to his chest and stared at Lestat with both of his eyebrows furrowed in confusion. That was the first time to his memory that anyone other than his mother had called him that. The sound of it coming from Lestat’s mouth sounded too good to him, too comforting._ _

__“Don’t call me that.” His voice was raspy and quiet, he hadn’t said a word since they left the house earlier in the night._ _

__Lestat laughed as he laid hard on the keys, the music had taken a different turn; the melody had changed to something dark and slow, the tempo making Louis’ heart beat faster. “Why does it bother you now? I trust that you don’t daydream so much you’ve forgotten my name for you.” He looked up from the keys to Louis’ face and seeing the confused expression deepen made him stop playing entirely. “Please tell me you haven’t forgotten.” He spoke softly and watched the months they’ve spent together flash through Louis’ eyes._ _

__In all honesty, he had absolutely no recollection of Lestat ever calling him darling before. He didn’t know what bothered him more, that he was so lost in his own world all the time that he forgot or that Lestat had called him darling in the first place._ _

__“No, no I don’t. You know full well that I don’t listen to you very often.” Louis laid back down and dramatically draped an arm over his forehead, “Please keep playing, it’s making me feel better.”_ _

__Lestat nodded and started on a new melody, feeling around the keys until he could find something that felt right for the moment. He began to play, but in less than three minutes, the sniffling coming from the couch started to make his eye twitch. He was one for weeping in his own right, but hearing the sound so loudly in his ears and so often was starting to drive him mad._ _

__Without stopping his fingers, he looked over to Louis and scowled, “Could you be a dear and stop your infantile whimpering so I can concentrate?” He wasn’t really asking, and it came as no surprise that Louis ignored him._ _

__Although he was growing more irritated by the sniffle, Lestat knew that it was his fault he was so upset this time. This knowledge however, didn’t stop him from flinching every time he heard another sound come from Louis. At the final chord of the concerto, which was meant to tie the entire piece together with a pretty bow, Louis sniffled again. Lestat slammed his hands down hard on the keys and stood up with a start. That was the final straw._ _

__Before Louis could sit up or move away, Lestat was sitting on top of him. He was careful not to put his full weight on Louis’ chest at the risk of cracking a rib. His blonde hair fell in ringlets over his face as he clamped a cold hand over Louis’ mouth and stared down at him with wide eyes._ _

__“What did I say? I mean really, do you think that playing the piano is so easy when I have to listen to those small, insolent noises every thirty seconds? I know that you’re upset, but have some couth!” His hair brushed against Louis’ cheeks as he spoke, the ribbon usually containing his locks had become lost in the alley._ _

__Louis was wide awake now, any tears drying up in an instant and focusing only on the feeling of Lestat sitting on top of him. He knew that he couldn’t move even if he wanted to and he had yet to decide if he really wanted to move at all. He knew that Lestat could hear the sound of his heart picking up speed and they both knew that Lestat had been sitting on him for a little too long already._ _

__“This is an interesting sight,” Lestat cocked his head to the side and leaned in closer to Louis’ face, “You underneath me like this, shame I’m too annoyed at you to enjoy it.”_ _

__Louis’ bit down on his hand, hard. His teeth sunk into the space between his thumb and pointer finger, making Lestat jump in surprise and pain and reel himself to the other side of the couch._ _

__As though he did nothing at all, Louis stood up and brushed the wrinkles from his shirt and walked towards the door. Biting him had felt brave, even if his mouth acted before his mind. For once, he hadn’t overthought, and surprising Lestat could’ve made him laugh had he not been so surprised at himself._ _

__He looked back at Lestat and wiped his nose, “Have some couth.”_ _

__He didn’t mean it as a joke, but that didn’t stop Lestat from finding it hysterical and laughing at the top of his lungs like a hyena. The shrill sound followed him down the stairs and into their crypt, only ceasing as he snapped the lid of his coffin shut._ _


	3. Tale As Old As Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A band that Lestat hasn't seen play since his boyhood comes to New Orleans, and he somehow manages to convince Louis to be his dance partner.

“Oh but Louis we _have _to go!” Lestat clasped his hands together and looked to Louis with puppy-dog eyes.__

__Although being thoroughly entertained by his makers begging, Louis was not swayed, “For the third time, no! I don’t know how to dance and even if I did, it would look odd if we did so together.”_ _

__“We would look odd because we’re white as milk and six feet tall, not because we’re men Louis.”_ _

__He rolled his eyes, “I thought that went without saying, but also, yes, because we’re men.”_ _

__Then, in what can only be described as a fit of child-like rage, Lestat bolted into the next room, retrieved the ad which had gotten him started in the first place and ran straight back to shove it into Louis’ face. “This company has come all the way from Paris to put on this ball! The last time I was able to watch them play I was but a child and now they’re at my front door and you tell me we can’t go!? Do you not understand what a momentous occasion this is?” He was shaking the paper so fast Louis couldn’t have tried to read it if he wanted to._ _

__He sighed, “I’m not stopping you from going.”_ _

__Lestat combed his fingers through his hair in frustration, “But you are!” He reached out and grabbed Louis by the shoulders and shook him gently, “This is one of those events that makes being alive worthwhile Louis. What would it say to our agreement for me to go without you?”_ _

__Louis thought about this for a moment. As good as it felt to make Lestat upset and grovel, this clearly meant a lot to him. Seeing Lestat happy was as much of a rarity as it was for him not to suck dry everything that caught his fancy. So, in the name of catching something he couldn’t say he’d see again for a long time and keeping to their deal, Louis agreed._ _

__“Fine! But don’t you dare make me regret this as much as I do our last outing.” He shuddered at the memory of Lestat’s bloody face and the man’s severed arm. It had happened almost a month ago, but when he slipped away for too long, it would come back to him as though it was yesterday._ _

__Without thinking and in pure excitement, Lestat pulled him into a hug and shrieked in his ear, “Oh thank you Louis!” Feeling Louis tense against him, the hug was soon broken and Lestat wasted no time going upstairs to get properly dressed._ _

__He stayed up there for almost an hour. Now, more annoyed at being made to wait than going out, Louis began to pace back and forth and mumble under his breath. A loud clearing of the throat made him stop and look up and upon seeing Lestat, his mouth fell slack._ _

__He looked drastically different from the already ornate outfit he chose to wear around the house. Rather than go out in his favorite royal blue dinner jacket, he decided that a black velvet ensemble would be more fitting. The drama was far more important than the practicality, velvet was stifling to dance in, but looked far better on him than linen. His hair was tied back with a matching ribbon and carefully placed blonde curls were pulled out to frame his face. The shirt underneath his jacket was a matching shade of black as were the pants and loafers secured with a shining silver buckle._ _

__Lestat relished in Louis’ slow looks up and down, although the same attention from strangers would boost his ego a similar amount, Lestat had done this just for him. Though he would never tell him in fear of making the poor creature shrivel up and die._ _

__“Close your mouth now darling, you’ll put the candles out.”_ _

__Louis, now coming back to his body and making a conscious effort to look away, closed his mouth and cleared his throat, “I take it that you’re finally ready then? The ball is probably half over by now.”_ _

__“I’m more than ready, let’s see if you can keep up.” Lestat sauntered to the door and did a pirouette past Louis, making him shake his head in disapproval and sigh as he opened the door for him._ _

__The entire walk to the venue, Lestat would not stop talking about the company and their high accolades in France. He was practically gushing about every last detail he could remember from his long lost childhood and practically fainted at the sight of the building._ _

__It was the same hall that had been sitting here since the cities birth, but to Lestat it was everything and more. In truth, although he longed to see this band since he heard they were coming from his home country, he really just wanted a night out with Louis. To see him have fun for once, even if it was by force, would be the sweetest thing to witness. They both hated and weren’t very good at dancing, but if he saw even the hint of a smile from Louis, the inevitable embarrassment would be worth it._ _

__“Well don’t just stand there and gawk at it,” Louis grabbed him by the elbow and started to pull him towards the door, “I hear them getting ready to start, you’ll be a nightmare all night if you miss the beginning.”_ _

__The room was filled to the brim with New Orleans’ finest and richest, all dressed in their best clothes and milling about the room while the band tuned their instruments. A fair share of eyes landed on them, velvet and satin clad strangers whom most had never seen before. The candlelight reflected off of their skin and their gazes made few wish to look away._ _

__“People are staring Lestat, we should leave.” Louis leaned in close to his ear and whispered, “The last thing we want is to draw attention to ourselves, I know that you haven’t fed yet.”_ _

__Lestat leaned in equally as close, the proximity making the hair on Louis’ arm stand up straight, “Did you think I put this on _not _to draw attention? Besides, the petty crimes these people commit don’t season the blood right. I much prefer their servants.”___ _

____“Why is that?”_ _ _ _

____“They’re the ones that have to bury the bodies.” Louis reeled back in mild disgust and the look on his face made Lestat let out a loud laugh. Just as he opened his mouth to say something else to further his horror, the band began to play the waltz and he forgot his train of thought entirely._ _ _ _

____Louis was promptly dragged to the dance floor and given quick instructions on how to properly do the waltz. Despite Louis’ open protests at being the follower, Lestat took the lead anyway and tried his hardest not to snap every time Louis stepped on his shoes. By the end of the first song, he seemed to get the hang of it and stopped flinching at Lestat’s hand placed on his lower back._ _ _ _

____“Are they looking at us?”_ _ _ _

____Lestat spun himself around, the ribbon holding his hair back coming undone and releasing his mass of curls into his eyes, “And who cares if they are? Jealousy is a disease Louis, it’s such a shame that so many catch it.”_ _ _ _

____He felt a lump in his throat and paused. Lestat had never looked so human to him before. This enigma of a creature who he had seen so effortlessly rip out men’s throats and leave the blood as an accessory was dancing around the room without a care in the world. He smiled and he laughed and he was gentle, at least when it came to Louis. Watching him twirl around the room with such an air of confidence, knowing exactly what he was and not faltering in the least; Lestat became beautiful to him, at least for tonight._ _ _ _

____Lestat’s hand found its place on Louis’ back as the next song began, more slow and informal than the last. Couples of men and women clearly romantically involved surrounded them from all angles and their stares became all the more noticeable. Looking around, Louis began to grow nervous at the feeling of eyes burning into his back and taking note of every detail. He felt like a criminal in his own skin and longed for nothing more than to go home._ _ _ _

____Louis’ dancing partner sensed his apprehension and felt the speed of his heart in his fingertips. He watched Louis try his best to contain himself in such a proper environment and smiled. Lestat looked directly at him and tightened his grip on Louis’ lower back, returning his attention back to their dance and annoying him considerably._ _ _ _

____“You’re hurting me.” He lied through gritted teeth._ _ _ _

____Lestat leaned in and almost completely closed the gap between them, “Would you be holding my hand so tight if I was?” Louis broke eye contact and looked to their intertwined fingers and took quick notice of just how hard his grip was on Lestat’s hand._ _ _ _

____Unable to break away, he began to lead the dance in the middle of the song, tripping Lestat in the process and bumping into another couple. The change of pace made the blonde laugh as Louis fumbled through the new motions and refused to let him help._ _ _ _

____“That foot goes back Louis- no not that way, my God you’re like a duck!”_ _ _ _

____He looked up from the floor, irritated but not defeated, “I know that! Stop talking, I can’t hear the violin.”_ _ _ _

____Before they both knew it, Louis was whisking them around the room in near-perfect harmony with the music and finally looking from his feet to Lestat’s face. If he hadn’t hidden his mouth so carefully with his hair, Lestat could almost see the smallest hint of a smile. It had yet to reach his eyes, but the contentment was all he needed to make the night more perfect than it already was._ _ _ _

____Louis, not completely lost on Lestat’s lingering eyes, spun him around to give himself a chance to breathe, “Why are you staring at me like that?”_ _ _ _

____“What ever do you mean?” Lestat faced him again and comfortably rested a hand on his shoulder._ _ _ _

____“You know exactly what I mean, look over there.” He motioned with his head to a couple dancing across the floor, “Do you see the way he’s looking at her? Like that. From the sight of the diamond on her finger, they’re married.”_ _ _ _

____Lestat laughed and dropped Louis into a dip as the final song came to a close, “Oh really? I hadn’t noticed.”_ _ _ _

_______The sound of erupting applause flooded the space around them and for that small second, it was as if they were the only two in the room. Louis’ chest began to hurt with that same sensation he had grown used to whenever he and Lestat spent too much time together. To not cause a scene, and to prevent making Lestat upset, Louis allowed him to take him by the arm and lead them back to the front of the hall. He watched the eyes of strangers look them up and down and not meet his eyes as they made their way through the crowd. Louis felt like a criminal again, but looking up at Lestat he saw that none of these stares bothered him in the least.  
  
The sweet summer air hit them when they reached the street. Lestat had not broken a sweat in his attire but tried his best to fake it under the eyes of the mortals surrounding them. _

____“That was quite the soiree, don’t you think Louis? Oh the band was just as I remembered, not a single cord out of place!” His blue eyes were brighter than they had been in weeks, the pure excitement of his plan going off without a hitch only fueled his giddy smile._ _ _ _

____Louis crossed his arms and looked up at him, “They were quite good, I will admit that. I wasn’t a fan of all of the people staring though, why must you _always _have to be the center of attention?”___ _ _ _

______“Oh will you forget them!” Lestat slinked an arm around Louis’ shoulder and pulled him into the direction of home. “What are they supposed to do when they see two beautiful creatures choosing to dance with eachother instead of one of them? Hell, I’d be jealous too!”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“That didn’t answer my question.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“You ask so many it’s hard to keep track of my answers.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Louis shook his arm off and started to walk in the opposite direction, “I’m going to go hunt-“_ _ _ _ _ _

______“Can I come with?” Lestat’s eyes were hopeful, though he knew the answer already._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Alone.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______He said nothing in response but still stayed to watch him leave. His hair swayed gently along with the breeze and the light click of his shoes echoed among the loud voices engulfing him. Lestat sighed as he faded into the shadows of the alleyways and the thinning crowd, this truly had been one of the best nights of his life; even if he didn’t get to kiss Louis like he planned._ _ _ _ _ _


	4. Straw Into Gold

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> On the last night of the band's stay, Lestat lets Louis know how he feels; though he doesn't get the expected reaction.

Because their opening night was such a success, the band decided to stay in New Orleans for an entire week. Lestat at hearing the news politely demanded that they go see them every night that they could and Louis, although anxious, hated to admit that he wanted to see them just as much. Lestat didn’t question his sudden interest, but was happy that Louis finally seemed like a living, breathing creature and not his usual dreary, brooding self. Seeing him smile and even laugh swelled his heart and made each night better than the last. 

It was the final night that the band would be in town before going north for the rest of the summer and Lestat decided to take his time getting ready. In the bathroom attached to the main bedroom, he took to brushing his hair a thousand times. It was something he used to watch the handmaids do to his mother each night before she went to sleep and every morning when she woke up. Why the number of strokes was so high, he had no idea; but if he could make his hair look anything like his mother’s, he would do it. 

Louis had grown used to his routine of constantly brushing his hair and changing shoes three times before he got fed up, threatened to stay home, and make Lestat go alone. He had also successfully managed to avoid having his hair brushed for an hour or having his own clothes nitpicked and prodded. 

He knew though that if there was any night to wait for him, it was tonight. So he made himself comfortable in his favorite window by the front door and counted the ticks of the second hand on the clock.

It didn’t take longer than ten minutes of sitting before he grew antsy and started to pace, breaking his usual stride and wandering upstairs to where Lestat was only on stroke two hundred. He tried his best to be quiet as to not disturb him, though he knew Lestat could hear the purr of a cat from a mile away. Louis was surprised to find him shirtless and lightly singing to himself. He had never seen either before, so he leaned against the doorframe and watched in perplexed silence. 

Lestat of course knew that he was there, but didn’t turn around or stop. He liked the feeling of Louis watching him and the opportunity to make him flustered was too good to pass up. So he sang louder and more dramatically, making sure to flip his hair over his shoulders and flex the muscles in his back. 

At stroke four hundred he decided to stop singing and hear just how quiet Louis was trying to be; he was barely breathing through his nose and had even taken his shoes off so they didn’t squeak. 

He turned around finally, the brush still moving through his locks and making eye contact with a now startled Louis, “Which part of the show was your favorite? The vibrato or my little dance?” 

“You knew I was here?” Louis shuffled uncomfortably and knew it was a stupid question before he asked.

“Of course I did, what kind of a vampire would I be if I didn’t?” He shook some stray hairs to the floor and looked back at the mirror, “Especially in such a vulnerable state, you’re lucky I like you.”

Louis immediately wished to change the conversation as a lump rose in his throat. Lestat had become wrapped up in brushing his hair again and softly counting aloud to himself, paying Louis the least bit of attention. He wanted Lestat to look at him again, though he didn’t know why. 

He coughed to force the lump down and walked into the bathroom, “Does this look ok?” He gestured down to his clothes and ran a nervous hand through his hair, “I’m not sure how to dress for a closing performance.”

Lestat opened his mouth to say something smart as he turned back around, but quickly swallowed his words at the sight of him. Usually, Louis went out in whatever he woke up in that evening and only brushed his hair if Lestat begged him to. Tonight however, he took the liberty of dressing himself like a gentlemen. His hair was brushed so that one could see it’s sheen in the dimmest of lights and he wore the smallest hint of blush on his cheeks so he looked more alive. It wasn’t the elaborate drama that Lestat preferred for himself, but on Louis the simplicity took his breath away. 

“You look perfect.” He was at a loss for words and let no inch of Louis go unseen. 

For once his eyes didn’t feel like an intrusion and Louis allowed himself to be fawned over before an odd sense of guilt caught up with him. Something felt wrong about this, though he couldn’t place his finger on it or find it in himself to care. He sat down on the stool next to Lestat’s mirror and fell deep into thought watching his hands move the brush through his hair. 

Lestat tapped him lightly on the shoulder, “I really hate to bother you darling but I’m at stroke five hundred and my arm feels like it’s about to snap off,” He held the brush out to him, “Could you?” It wasn’t his usual expectant and demanding tone; his voice was soft and although he wouldn’t say it, Louis could see the word “please” in his eyes. 

He didn’t say anything as he took the brush from his hands and stood behind him. Louis had never brushed anyone’s hair before and even though the brush was made of soft boar’s hair, he didn’t want to accidentally hurt Lestat. 

“You just have to go from the top to the bottom. Don’t be shy, my hair hasn’t had a knot since 1780, you’re not going to render me bald.” Lestat laughed at the visual and slowly guided Louis’ hand through the motions, making himself laugh harder when he heard him try to stifle a gasp. 

Louis shook him off and started to count the strokes under his breath. He didn’t understand why he even bothered to continue the motions at all, Lestat’s hair was the texture of fine silk and only a fool would tamper with such perfection. But to his persistence, Louis continued and tried his best to ignore Lestat slowly leaning back into his touch and the grin that spread across his face when he noticed that he had begun to blush. 

He stopped when he reached seven hundred and Lestat had leaned back so far they could make eye contact. Lestat’s head was against his lap and Louis’ heart beat so fast he swore that he could hear it in his own ears. 

“What’s that look for? You always look at me like that and still you refuse to tell me why.” 

Lestat knit his brows together and smiled playfully, “And I’ve asked you this before; what look would that be?” 

There was silence for a moment as Louis thought of how to answer. He could say something sarcastic to defer from the truth or be blunt and prepare for the worst; though what that would be he didn’t know.

His face grew hot, “Like you love me.” 

There was silence. Lestat didn’t look away from him and tried his best to keep his expression neutral as to not make Louis nervous. He himself was wholly confused at the statement and Louis’ anxious presence surrounding the question. Lestat had thought that the state of their relationship was clear; they had lived together for months in almost complete solitude and Lestat hadn’t looked at another since Louis’ turning. Between the pet-names and flirting, to him it was fairly obvious that they were together in some sense. 

He sat up, brushed a stray hair behind his ear and turned around to face him fully. Lestat could hear Louis’ heartbeat and looked into his eyes only to find confusion.“Because I do? Did you think otherwise?” 

“You what?” Louis had expected another sarcastic or flirtatious remark, not the truth which he so desperately wanted to hear and reject at the same time. 

Lestat stood up and grabbed one of Louis’ hands, “I love you, but I thought you knew that already.” He watched his eyes go wide and realized that his affections were lost on his fledgeling, “Louis, if you didn’t know how I felt about you, I’m very interested in what you thought was going on here.” 

“I- I don’t know.” Louis let go his hand and ran his own through his hair. The time that they’ve spent together, both good and bad, flashed through his mind while he watched Lestat’s lips move. He hadn’t heard a thing past “I love you” and his stomach became a mess of nausea and butterflies. He knew that Lestat was talking and he knew he should listen, but before he could pay him any attention everything went dark. 

Lestat watched him fall flat on the floor and immediately became annoyed rather than worried. He threw his hands in the air in exasperation and stood over Louis, now unconscious, “You have to be fucking kidding me, the show starts in an hour!”


	5. Altar Boy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Louis wakes up in bed with Lestat by his side. The reality of their relationship becomes clear to them both and another agreement is made.

The cold water dripped down the sides of his face; he could feel the weight of the rag on his forehead but couldn’t find the strength to open his eyes. Louis shifted his hands, not enough to elude that he was actually awake, but just enough to feel his surroundings. Wherever he was, it was soft; slick satin rippled under his fingertips and he could feel the tickle of feathers against his cheeks. There was a weight, an unfamiliar presence by his side that every few moments would wipe the water from his chin with a gentle touch. 

The unfamiliar weight was humming softly, a song he didn’t recognize, but one that if he stopped thinking could lull him back to sleep. He groaned and furrowed his brows and the singing stopped; hands immediately pushed him back against the soft satin gently, but with purpose.

“You took quite the tumble Louis, you really should stay in bed.” Lestat brushed a bead of water from his cheek and sighed. “I honestly can’t believe you fainted, I’ve never seen a vampire do that before.” 

Without opening his eyes and giving Lestat no indication that he heard him, Louis looked desperately in himself for what had happened. The only words he could find were, “I love you” and the feeling of tile against his back. The same sense of nausea swept him over and if he already wasn’t lying down, he was sure he would faint again. 

Instead, his eyes shot open and he grabbed Lestat’s hand as it grazed his cheek, “You love me?”

The blonde was startled but not fazed, he had been watching his eyes move under his lids for the last five minutes, “Yes, yes I do. I don’t turn those that I don’t.” The answer confused Louis more than his current circumstance and he tried desperately to get out of bed, but firm hands pressing on his chest kept him locked to the pillow. “I know that you heard me the first time, your head smacked marble; you have to lie down.” 

“But, the band is leaving tonight. I know how upset you’ll be if you miss it.” He hadn’t found the energy yet to project his voice, all he could muster was a groggy whisper. 

Lestat chucked and turned Louis’ head to face him by the chin, “I’m going to live forever my dear, I’ll see their very last performance if I can make it in time.”

He couldn’t help but laugh, it was loud and it was full and it was the loudest laugh that Lestat had ever heard come out of his mouth. Louis shifted to his side and sat up on his elbow, the puddle of water outlined a halo on the pillowcase and his entire back was wet, “How did you manage to get me in here-“ He paused and realized finally that his chest was bare, “and where’s my shirt?” Though in no rush to cover himself, he was slightly embarrassed.

Lestat was now the one to be made uncomfortable as he struggled to find a reason beyond the ample opportunity he had to see his chest, “Well, I know how expensive that jacket is and I didn’t want the water to ruin the fabric.” 

Louis cocked an eyebrow, “The water?” He pointed to the armchair across the room, “But folding it, when it should be hung up, won’t ruin it?” 

Lestat scratched the back of his head and threw his arms up defensively, “You had just fainted! Did you think I had time to find a bloody hanger!”

“You had plenty of time to undress me…” Louis’ forwardness surprised both him and Lestat. Laying back down, Lestat’s words finally made their way into his brain as more than just an afterthought. “You said that you don’t turn those that you don’t love? What does that mean?” 

He shifted uncomfortably and made the bed shake when he turned to face Louis fully and crossed his legs. “I’ve made others before you, those whom I’ve loved and one which I would have devoted my life had he not-“ Lestat paused and swallowed a lump in his throat, “Had he not died.” 

Louis became more caught up in “He” rather than the demise of someone who Lestat looked so pained in talking about. Their were creases in his brow which he had never seen before and the frown that took over his lips was not the annoyed one he had grown used to seeing. He reached out to him without thinking, grabbing his hand and taking Lestat from wherever he went, “I can see that he meant a lot to you, I’m sorry.”

Lestat wiped his eyes where tears had begun to coalesce and laughed off the sadness that he felt, “Don’t be, it was so long ago that it barely matters now.” It was a lie, a painful lie. But looking into Louis’ eyes he knew that it would become a truth in time. 

“What did it feel like?” Louis let go of his hand and brought his knees to his chest. He was still confused at their circumstance and didn’t understand this thing that he felt inside whenever Lestat was close to him.

“What?” 

“Loving him, like you said. What did it feel like?” 

Lestat smiled sweetly at the memory of the small flat he shared with Nicki and the sounds of Paris from outside their cracked windows. The sounds of their neighbors fighting and the mortal warmth of his body against the straw mattress. They argued and they fought, but even so, his silhouette in the darkness of midnight made everything alright. In the times before he found Louis, these memories would eat him up inside to which he thought there was no repair.“It felt like a straight punch to the stomach, but I didn’t mind at all. It was a pain, a sensation, that I was willing to deal with if it meant that I got to see him again.” He didn’t look at Louis as he said this, Lestat went somewhere else entirely. Back to Paris, back to the times before what he was now. “There was something about his voice, the brush of his hands that made my hairs stand on their ends. It didn’t matter that I’d seen him a hundred times before, each time felt like it was the first and my stomach fell into knots whenever he said my name.” His eyes grew dark, “I wanted to keep him forever and that’s where it all went wrong. Everything that happened to him was my fault. The anger, the hatred that he felt for me in the end almost drove me to setting myself on fire. But, he did that for the both of us.” 

Louis’ eyes went wide as he watched the beads of blood slide down Lestat’s cheeks, he had never seen him cry before, “He set himself on fire?” 

“Yes, yes he did.” Lestat turned to him and wiped his eyes, “Why did you ask?” He wasn’t angry, but the memories coming back so vividly made the sense of regret he tried so desperately to lose pass through him in waves. 

Louis didn’t know how to answer, the vulnerability that came so easy to him in times of pain hadn’t gotten used to feelings of joy. “I don’t know what to call it, love, nausea, but how you felt for him is what happens when I look at you. It didn’t used to, in the beginning; I was so angry and my despair clouded any sense of humility that I could ever attempt to see in you.” Lestat looked away in embarrassment, the fear of losing him as he lost Nicki flooded him. “I don’t know when it happened, it could’ve been the ball or even before then, but I started to see the mortality in your eyes. Your laugh became less shrill and the way you spoke started to make my chest ache. I honestly thought I was dying for a while and rather than make me feel relieved, it scared me.” 

Louis had never said these things out loud before, let alone allowed himself to think on them for longer than a few minutes. It felt wrong to him, despite almost his entire family being dead, the harsh words of his mother of never devolving into sin still stuck with him. Even in his brothers devotion to God, he could never fully understand what sin really was. Is it him as he is now? Is it these things that he feels, though cannot identify? Does the very air coming from his almost still lungs taint that which he is around? Louis didn’t know and was almost too frightened to find out.

Lestat didn’t say anything, although he knew Louis was upset with him, he had no idea that had felt so unsure, “What do you feel now? Am I still the devil to you or have I returned to grace?” The sentence made Lestat chuckle to himself, he knew that grace would never be awarded to him and he didn’t care for it anyway. 

“I don’t know what I feel and I don’t want to upset you by saying that I don’t wish to hold you until I know what it is.” 

“That doesn’t upset me at all.” Lestat moved his hands away and scooted to the very end of the bed, both physically and literally giving him space. “Do you want me to help you figure it out?”

“Being as you’re the source of my stupefaction, I think it would be unfair for you not to.” They both smiled and looked outside, the night was half finished and in this hour they were the only two still awake. The silence was different for them, although the windows were sealed shut they could still hear and breeze and sense the smallest creatures wandering in the gutter. They could smell the rain brewing in the clouds and more importantly sense the contentment of one another. 

Lestat broke the silence, “Can I still call you ‘darling’?” 

“As long as I don’t faint again, I see no reason for you to stop.” Louis stretched and attempted to get up, but a quick dizzy spell put him right back in his place. Rather than feel the nausea he had associated with Lestat’s presence, Louis felt the knowing of hunger hit him. He rubbed his eyes like a child and let out a soft groan, “I’m hungry.”

“I can tell, you’re pale as a ghost.” Lestat gestured to the stairs with his head, “There’s a chicken in a cage downstairs if you want me to bring it to you.”

Though he much preferred chickens to rats, Louis was far past the point of his typical prey. A different type of criminality hit him and though he wouldn’t say it outright, since the night in the alley, his craving for mortal blood had left him feeling hollow and constantly starving. “That’s alright, I think I’m going to go out tonight.” 

Lestat wanted desperately to go with him, though he knew better than to ask, “Should I wait at the hall for you? If we hurry we can make it for the last dance.”

Though he wasn’t in a dancing mood, he could see the excitement Lestat was desperately trying to conceal through a veil of politeness and understanding. He also knew how much Lestat hated the taste of Yankee blood and the north in general; he would not travel to see the company unless they sailed back to Paris. 

Louis sighed and stood to put his shirt back on, “I’ll be there in less than an hour,” He could see Lestat’s eyes light up and the smile he was trying so hard to contain fall across his lips. He couldn’t help but chuckle to himself as he walked to leave the room, “And don’t get antsy and sweep a poor mortal off their feet; I’m not in the mood for more than one entree.”

He disappeared into the darkness of the hallway and Lestat could hear his fading steps mix with the sounds of the night. Lestat ran a hand through his hair and realized that he still had two hundred strokes to go and an outfit to assemble. With less than an hour and the promise of a last dance, there was no time to waste. For once, the clock was not a meaningless sound.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> RIP to Nicki but Louis' different.


	6. Ready Or Not

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the ball, neither want the end to night just quite yet. So, Lestat comes up with another way to get Louis to relax.

When Louis arrived at the hall, the band had just picked up their instruments to play their final song. Lestat wasted no time rushing them inside and taking their spot on the floor as the first note echoed throughout the room. At that point, the familiar crowd had gotten used to their presence and relaxed their stares; it was the first night that Louis could fully relax. Deep down, he wished that the band wouldn’t leave at all so every night could be just like this one.

The band finished and gave their final bows and with the tremors of applause, Lestat and Louis took their leave. Both fed and content with the few hours of moonlight left, they decided not to go home just yet. Absentmindedly, they wandered through the streets and into a park which they found to be completely empty and quiet. 

They walked side-by-side, the gentle touch of their knuckles every few paces tempting the reflex to grab on, though neither did. Instead they made small talk about the final show and what Lestat found to be the “tacky” dresses the women surrounding them were wearing. 

“Did you see that horrid pink number the Countess was wearing? It looked like a Rococo curtain wrapped in cheap lace.” He made a sound of ample disgust and waved his hands. 

Louis grinned and shook his head, “No, I can’t say that I did. I was a bit more focused on not scuffing your loafers.” He was also more concerned with the placement of his hands, but he wouldn’t tell him that. 

Lestat stopped and looked down at his shoes, “It seems like you’ve succeeded in that bit.” He hesitated before stepping in front of him, “I will also say, you’ve become quite the dancer. You’re a fast learner.” Lestat clapped his hands and spun himself around, “The dip really was the icing on the cake, bravo.” 

“I had quite the teacher; it’s good to know that I no longer have feet like a duck.”

They both laughed and returned to their stride, brushing knuckles to an agonizing degree and making Lestat grow mildly impatient. He was trying his best to be respectful of Louis’ newly established boundaries; but what kind of a companion would he be, he thought to himself, if he didn’t test the limits? 

“Louis?” 

“Yes?” 

“May I hold your hand?” Lestat stopped their stroll and looked into his eyes, searching for a sign of discomfort or trepidation.   
Louis didn’t hesitate for once, frankly he was glad Lestat finally asked, “Yes, yes you may.” The politeness caught him off guard though; he now knew Lestat to be more human than he seemed, but not of a breed to ask for permission.

Their hands came together and as a surprise to them both, it didn’t feel like clutching ice. On a night such as this, one could even say they were warm. Neither commented or acknowledged it and continued their stroll. Though not long after, Lestat could feel the racing of Louis’ pulse through his palm. The sound became overwhelming in his ears and from looking at him, Lestat could tell that he wasn’t as alright as he was trying to seem. 

Rather than mention it and risk ruining the mood he had tried so hard to create, Lestat decided that Louis was due for a lesson on the subject of having a good time. 

“Let’s play a game.” He stopped walking and let go of his hand. 

Louis was confused and slightly upset that he did. Although in truth his anxiety had doubled over at the intentional and public contact, there was a sense of yearning that remained. He knew it was silly, especially considering the intimacy that he had experienced for the last week in front of more than a hundred strangers. Though there was more intimacy, to him, in being alone.

“What kind of game?” Louis gestured to the trees and grass surrounding them, “This isn’t exactly the place to break out a chess board.” He laughed off the suggestion entirely, but Lestat was persistent. 

“It’s something that I’ve watched the schoolchildren play- don’t look at me that way! As I was saying, it’s a game I’ve seen children play over the years. Essentially, someone counts to a debated number, and within that time the other players have to go hide in the surrounding area. When they’re all done hiding, or when the one left behind is finished counting, they yell ‘Ready or not, here I come!’ and then they have to find everyone who’s hiding.” 

Louis looked around again, “Lestat, we’re in a park. The only thing to hide in is trees.” He was trying his hardest not to laugh. 

“You’re very preceptive, amazing job, truly. This is one of your lessons; another great asset of being a vampire is how fast we can run, how fast we can climb and you’re well aware of the benefits of our perfect silence.” Lestat was unbelievably proud of himself and had no qualms about showing it. He took a bow and closed his eyes, “I’ll count to 10, you go and hide anywhere that suits your fancy.”

He was given no time to protest as Lestat began to count almost immediately. Same with the entire ordeal of the ball, Louis was in the mood to entertain him tonight. So, with a grand sigh that Lestat undoubtably heard, he was off. 

No sooner than when Lestat shouted “one” did Louis reach the top of the tallest tree he could find. It wasn’t nearly as hard as he thought it would be and surprised himself when he realized that he wasn’t out of breath. Standing still was an entirely different issue however, being a vampire didn’t make holding the rather uncomfortable position any easier and with Lestat already on the lookout; he had become too invested to risk moving. 

He had also realized that this game sounded far too familiar to hunting for his liking. Lestat had a keen ear and an even keener eye; there was no doubt that he had already found him. He felt like a lamb in wait, simply holding down a house of cards and waiting for a wolf to burst through and knock it all down. 

Lestat, although knowing exactly where he was before he finished counting, decided that it wouldn’t be any fun to find Louis immediately. So he made his way around the park and casually knocked on the trunks of trees and looked lazily through the branches. He could hear Louis’ breath hitch with every knock and felt his growing anxiety whenever he purposefully stomped on a twig. 

At the base of the tallest tree, he could finally sense his pulse and started to climb. It took him no longer than a minute to position himself behind Louis without making the slightest sound. Lestat leaned in close to his ear, “Found you.” 

“You’re quite a flare for the dramatic you know that?” Louis was not startled nor impressed, which bothered Lestat a fair amount. 

He sat on the branch, legs dangling in the free air and pouted, “I’ve been told. Now let’s see if you can find me any faster, count to ten!” And just as soon as he was there, Lestat disappeared into the park. 

“I’d like to find the way home.” 

“I heard that!” 

Louis looked out at the rest of the park from where he sat as he counted. It was only a quick glance, but just for a small second, he swore that he could see the whole world. It moved him in more ways than one, though he had no time to contemplate it further as he heard the word “one” slip from between his lips. He rolled his eyes and started to climb down much more carefully than was really necessary, “Ready or not, here I come.”

He really didn’t want to look for him in the least; just to irritate him he chose to look up at the tree he had just hid in before taking to the carefully groomed paths and turning his head with his eyes closed. Rather than really look, he hoped to just annoy Lestat out of hiding. Though that meant having to hear him whine, so with that in mind and with much reluctancy, Louis decided to start seriously looking.   
All of the trees were empty, save for a handful of birds’ nest’s and the occasional squirrel. He wasn’t worried that he had run off, he was more worried that Lestat was somewhere he couldn’t sense. 

“Lestat, did you want me to say you were right? Because if this is a timed contest to you, you’ve already won!” Louis yelled into the open, hoping that Lestat would come out to gloat so he could stop looking and go home to sleep. The night was fading fast and although dawn was more than an hour away, he found sleep easier these days and wished to enjoy it for as long as possible.

It didn’t work and in mild defeat, Louis laid down and sighed. He was almost completely sure that this was the most childish thing he had done since he was an actual child and tried to get his siblings in trouble for the smallest things. He looked around, the only thing left to hide in was the bushes. 

Louis laughed to himself and sat up, “There’s no way, he’d rather die than mess up his precious hair.” The second he finished the sentence, he saw a flash of blue in the bushes in front of him. Then, a flurry of yellow and finally Lestat’s entire body on top of him and the wind completely knocked from his lungs. Lestat was laughing manically and made no attempt to make himself lighter, he felt like a ton on top of him and Louis found it hard to breathe. Louis looked down at him, “Found you.” 

Lestat didn’t move, Louis was much more comfortable than the bush and quite frankly this was the closest he had ever been to him; he didn’t want it to end before it had to. “I would like to argue the definition of ‘found’, but yes, I’m here and am reluctant to say that I forfeit. You’re piss poor at this game darling.” Lestat chuckled in his ear and sat up, pinning Louis underneath his circumstantially. 

“You said it yourself, we’re quite the quiet breed. I don’t see how this is really my fault.” The using of the word “we’re” wasn’t lost on either of them. Louis had always tried to separate himself from Lestat and vampires as a whole; though neither of them acknowledged it. What he hadn’t realized, was how close Lestat was to his face; nor did he pay much attention to Lestat on top of him. What he did notice was how nonchalant he was about it, rather than his usual nervousness or immediate need to escape; Louis was calm and dare he even think ok with it. 

“No one said it was your fault,” Lestat, taking his calm acceptance as a subtle invitation, leaned in closer and only left a sliver of light between them. “It was simply an observation.”

This made Louis panic, he hadn’t planned this far ahead, if at all, and started to squirm. Lestat noticed this and immediately rolled off of him, slightly embarrassed and kicking himself for his forwardness. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to-“

Louis grabbed his hand and squeezed, “Not yet.” 

Lestat just nodded and looked away, hopeful at when “yet” would be, but not willing to risk breaking the already fragile moment with asking. They didn’t talk for a while, both looking at the fading stars and thinking of the implications of what just transpired. It wasn’t an awkward or lacking silence, both knew that their intertwined fingers meant something; though neither knew what. 

“Lestat?” 

“Hm?” 

Louis turned on his side and immediately lost his train of thought; Lestat’s hair had become tangled in the bush and most of his curls had lost their perfect spiral. He liked his hair better that way, it made him look like a person rather than a doll. Though, Louis figured that he really wasn’t a person at all, so it didn’t matter that much anyway. 

“Were you going to say something or were you just going to stare at me like that?” Lestat felt a leaf scratch his ear and didn’t move to fix it. He wanted to hold Louis’ hand for just a moment longer.

Louis frowned, “Like what?” 

“We’re not doing this again, what did you want to say?” 

“Oh, right,” He felt embarrassed now and didn’t want to say it, but Lestat’s curious gaze pulled it out of him anyway, “I’m tired.” 

He groaned, “That’s what I waited around for? Mon Dieu.” Lestat didn’t let go of Louis’ hand as he stood, rather he pulled him up with all of his strength when he got to his feet. 

“Was that really necessary?” Louis tugged at him with what was left of his strength into the direction of home. 

Lestat laughed and started to run, dragging Louis hopelessly behind him, “I’m not the one so clearly exhausted, would you like me to carry you as well?”

“That shan’t be necessary- slow down!” Louis couldn’t help but laugh as he picked up speed along with him; he hated to admit that Lestat was right, but vampiric speed was truly unlike anything else. For it to be given as a natural gift seemed like something too good for devil’s such as themselves, but he didn’t brood on it.

The sun licked their heels as they raced home, the streets were empty and their grins were wide.


	7. Please, Forgive Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Louis is lost in his head again and looks to his own hands for blame. 
> 
> Some dialogue inspired by Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol
> 
> So. much. crying.

Louis felt ill from the moment he opened his eyes. This was not the usual sweet sickness Lestat worked out of him; this was guilt, raw and plain. The words of his family bore down on him, talks of sin and hours spent kneeling at the altar begging to be different all came to him more than they ever had in his life. This had nothing to do with being a vampire anymore, but everything to do with who Louis was, down to his soul. 

He propped open the lid to his coffin slowly and looked around; Lestat was still in the the grips of sleep and he had no intention of waking him. Slowly, he crept out and left the top askew, just in case Lestat woke up and became concerned when he didn’t sense him. There had been several fights about that and he was in no mood tonight to repeat them. 

There was no direction as to where he would end up in the house, the memories coming to him guided Louis absently from one room to the next. When he passed the kitchen, he thought of the warm Sunday morning ritual of repeating the Ten Commandments for his mother before he could eat breakfast. The unused master bathroom reminded him of every evening he spent praying for vanity to never overcome him. Puberty had made him the shining star of the family and his sister never failed to tell him everyday that Lucifer had also been beautiful. A cross hanging above the bed made the days he spent begging God to make him clean again become a vivid reality. 

He looked at it now and laughed with no feeling, “Forgive me Father, for I have sinned.” There was no energy for him to get down on his knees and praying to him felt like bitter irony given his current state of being. So, he sat down on the windowsill and watched the rain fall. Louis hoped the thunder would block out the sound of his weeping. 

Lestat woke up not long after and the first place he looked was to Louis’ coffin. He wasn’t a huge fan of Louis wandering off without him; dare he get lost somewhere or stare at the wrong mortal for too long. He wasn’t a fighter and most certainly didn’t pay attention enough to make it back home in one piece. Those arguments had been long and petty, with no need to rehash.

He sniffed at the air, it wasn’t the same smell of oak and candle wax their house usually carried; it was blood. 

“What’s got him worked up now?” Lestat sighed as he rose from his sleep, fixed his hair and set out to find wherever Louis was. He could hear the weeping through the floorboards and knew that this night would not resemble the last.

Had he not learned anything at all, Lestat would have barged into the bedroom immediately and overwhelmed Louis with questions and enough physical affection it would make a dog sick. But, he had learned something, and it was that Louis thrived on being alone. Not too alone though, as vampires could only survive so long in their own head. Louis lived in there and oftentimes Lestat would walk into a room and find him staring at his own hand for a half an hour before he had the inclination to blink. It was scary and more than that it bothered him that he couldn’t hear what went on in there. 

He took to wandering around the house mindlessly and kept an ear out for Louis. It made his chest hurt to hear him cry so hard and say nothing out loud in between. At the end of the first hour he’d finally heard enough, “I’m not just going to sit here while he bleeds himself dry.” Lestat could smell each teardrop as it hit the floor. It was unlike any blood he’d ever smelled before and it took every sense of control he had not to get lost in the swoon of it permeating the air. 

The door to the master bedroom was cracked open, the smallest sliver of candlelight making a harsh line in the darkness of the hallway. Lestat peaked an eye in as he debated bothering him at all; the crying had ceased to a dull sniffle and he was certain that something else had caught Louis’ attention. He saw the pool of blood that surrounded the window and gasped, there might as well have been the blood of an entire victim soaking it’s way into the floor.

“You can come in, you know I don’t like being watched.” Louis’ voice wasn’t a hair above a whisper and he didn’t look at him as he spoke. 

Lestat, now worried for Louis’ physical health, slowly pushed the door open and tried his best to make his way to the window without stepping in blood. Finally standing over him, Lestat was horrified. 

“Stop!” He pulled Louis’ arm away from his mouth and looked down at it. His arm was covered in bite marks from his fingers down to his elbow in varying degrees of depth. In some places it looked like he was attacked by a dog. Though due to their nature, many of the wounds healed right before his eyes. “Why are you doing this to yourself? Is this because you held my hand?” 

“Who’s blood is it?” Louis didn’t look away from the window, his voice was hoarse and low.

Lestat sat down next to him slowly, “What are you talking about?” And even though Louis was tugging for his arm back, Lestat wouldn’t let go. 

“Look at the floor, my face, my hands; who’s blood is it Lestat? Am I only made up of everything I’ve killed? Is death the only thing holding me together?” He turned his head furiously to face him, he had wept so hard the blood had begun to leak from his nose. 

“Louis I-“

“Answer me!” Louis pulled his arm free and licked at his skin, his own blood made him feel sick but Lestat wouldn’t pay attention to him until the wounds faded. 

Lestat put his hands in his lap, aching desperately to reach out to him but knew better than to overwhelm him, “I don’t know. Please don’t look at me that way, I don’t know who’s blood courses through our veins. What I do know is that our heart beats and our bodies continue to keep us alive; the same as they always have.” He put his head down, Lestat had begun to grow sick at the thought that this could be all his fault, “Please tell me, do you regret holding my hand?” 

“No, I regret being the way that I am.” Louis looked down at himself and started to twist the skin on his arm.

Lestat reached out and grabbed his hand, he refused to sit and watch idly as he hurt himself, “I see nothing wrong with the way that you are.” 

Louis’ voice started to shake as he began to cry again, “God does.”

“And who is he to us?”

He knew Lestat wouldn’t understand and he couldn’t bring himself to say what he meant out loud. But he knew Lestat was right; what does Judgement Day mean to those that will never die? Heaven and Hell mean everything to those that will see the white light or feel fire on their skin. Neither of those things will ever happen to him, and he couldn’t decide which was worse; never-ending life or cheating God.

“He stares at me with hatred, I can feel it.”

Lestat wiped a tear from Louis’ cheek before it could hit the floor, “The only one who stares at you with hatred, is yourself. Louis I’ve looked at you every night of your immortal life and I can tell you with the utmost certainty that there isn’t a thing wrong with you. If God is staring at you with hatred, it’s because he forgot something when he made you.”

He laughed bitterly, “Oh and what’s that?” 

“The ability to let go. Louis, your past can’t hurt you anymore. It only hurts because you can’t look away from it; you’ll never be happy until you do.” Lestat was surprised at his own optimism, given the fact that he couldn’t let go of the last ten years of his life either. Though, the hypocrisy didn’t make his words any less true. 

“I don’t deserve-”

“You deserve to be happy, just like everyone else. Being a vampire or being with me doesn’t make you a sinner for experiencing life.” 

Louis broke down, no one had ever said that to him before. His life had been filled with nothing but the quest for absolution and a life without shame. The very question of his existence, both before and after his turning, had made him a crime against God in his own eyes. The words of his beloved sister in their youth haunted him whenever he caught his own reflection, _“The eyes of Lucifer were as clear as yours are, that’s how the sin gets in. It finds beauty and innocence and corrupts it to the bone. I pray every night that purity finds you before the devil does.” ___

__He laid down and brought his knees to his chest in-between Lestat’s legs. Louis was convinced that he’d die from exhaustion if he had to keep himself upright any longer. He was pale from all of the blood loss and his cheeks were lined with warm crimson. Lestat watched him shiver and wanted to ask him, beg him, to eat something. The thought of giving him blood outside of a glass was unthinkable now, but Lestat would kill for him if he asked. He would do whatever Louis asked of him if it meant he’d never feel like this again. Perhaps even let him go, if that’s what he wanted._ _

__They sat in silence and watched the rain fall in streams against the window. Only when a draft crept through the panes did Louis realize how cold he was. It felt like another layer of suffering given to him, another pain he had to endure to reach a level of purity he knew would never come. Going against the voice saying no, he tapped Lestat gently on the knee, “Please hold me.”_ _

__“Are you sure?”_ _

__He nodded and scooted up to put his head against Lestat’s chest, “Please.”_ _

__Lestat wrapped his arms around Louis and pulled him in as close as possible; paying close and careful attention to his forearms and fingers. He leaned his chin against the top of Louis’ head and used every inch of restraint not to kiss him. There was a sense of desperation that filled him; he wanted, needed Louis to know that he was loved and not the horrible things he thought about himself._ _

__“Lestat?”_ _

__He looked down and saw Louis’ perfect eyes staring back at him, “Yes?”_ _

__“Would you lie with me here forever, if I asked you to?” Louis didn’t know where the question came from, but it was something he needed to know._ _

__“I would do anything you asked me to.” He shook him slightly and looked back out at the rain, “Anything.”_ _

__The thunder made Louis flinch every time it crashed in his ears, so Lestat started to hum lightly and trace patterns on the top of his hands. Louis tried to keep his eyes open, but it didn’t take longer than ten minutes before he was fast asleep._ _

__Lestat heard the sound of his breathing even out and sighed, “You’re so lost, but I love you all the same.” He picked Louis up into his arms like he was nothing, swung his legs over the windowsill and carefully placed him under the bedcovers. There was no way that he would let him sleep in a pool of his own blood and shiver all night. Lestat looked down at him and brushed some hair behind Louis’ ear and counted his heartbeats as he slept. Though hollow and pale, Lestat was sure that he was just as beautiful as he’d ever been. He groaned and ran a red-stained hand through his hair, “If only you saw yourself how I saw you.”_ _

__Lestat turned away and drew the velvet curtains closed, now pouring all of his attention into the mess that covered the floor. The blood had pooled itself into a divot in the middle of the room. Lestat tried with all of his might not to sneer or get annoyed; he asked for this when he turned Louis, he knew that. He could smell his sadness from a mile away and yet made him a vampire anyway. This is what it meant to be with him, helping him through his bad nights and cleaning up whatever mess that followed. He had hoped Louis would do the same when it happened to him and knew that he was in no position to turn up his nose._ _

__Despite never cleaning anything on his hands and knees in his life, that didn’t stop Lestat from trying. Using whatever scraps of fabric and leftover rags he could find, he took to soaking up and wiping the blood the best that he could. And to his own surprise, he didn’t eat any of it; though the temptation was strong. It felt like a violation of Louis’ privacy and a step further into intimacy in a way he couldn’t fully describe. He just knew that it was wrong._ _

__When the mess was clean and he assured himself that Louis was still breathing, he tiptoed to the door and looked him over one last time before closing it behind him. The night felt empty and hollow when he was alone. With no one to try and make laugh or annoy, Lestat didn’t know what to do with himself. Hunting felt wrong and he couldn’t focus on anything long enough to keep himself busy. So he spent as long as he could before sunrise sitting outside the bedroom door and waiting for Louis to call out for him. Protecting him from anyone, even if it was just himself, was to become his first priority._ _

__Nobody had meant this much to him in his entire life and Lestat knew sitting on the hard mahogany that Louis had ruined him forever._ _


	8. The Merchant of Venice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lestat knows just the thing to cheer Louis up, whether he wants to go or not.

Louis slept through the entire night and the day that followed; had Lestat not barged in on him he probably could have slept through the next evening as well. The satin felt cool and comforting against his skin, though nothing could compare to the safety he felt in Lestat’s arms. 

His haze of guilt and memories had become fragmented for just a moment, a ray of sunshine slipping through the clouds that he could only dream of replicating. Such a thing would have been unthinkable under the moon of his first turning and in his dreams, all he could think of was what that moon meant to him now; if anything at all. 

Lestat tried so hard to leave him alone, he really did. It had been a lonely night without him and he found himself aching for the feeling of Louis by his side, even with their coffin walls between them. He wanted desperately to see his fledgeling smile again and with word of their favorite play being performed in a theater in town, the opportunity couldn’t be ignored. 

He knew Louis slept like a rock, so in his mind the only way to wake him up effectively was to burst into the bedroom and jump on top of the bed. He was louder than he meant to be, but could still hear Louis groan and grumble at his feet. “Louis! Louis! Wait, don’t move or I’ll crush your legs.” Lestat flopped down on his knees and shook the hair from his face, “Hi.” 

Louis turned his head and looked through squinted lids, “Bonjour.” He stretched out in all directions and sat up; the candles were too bright for his tired eyes but they perfectly illuminated the excitement he saw in Lestat’s. Louis could tell that there was something he was itching to say. 

“Have you slept well? I hope you have, I can’t tell you how hard it is for me to fall asleep in a mortal bed. That’s why I left by the way, I wanted to be well rested for when you woke up.” Lestat spoke a mile a minute and watched the unimpressed and partially irritated look on Louis’ face as he tried desperately to follow the words. “Rather, when I woke you up.”

“That’s better.” Louis looked to the clock in the corner of the room and was surprised to find it read half past eight. “Why did you wake me so early?” 

Lestat clapped his hands together and smiled , “I’m so glad you asked! Well-“ 

“Let me guess, you want me to go out with you somewhere?” Lestat sat with his mouth open mid-sentence. Louis sighed and ran a hand through his hair, “Lestat I don’t think I-.” 

“That’s just it! There’s something in this for you too. I know how much you love plays and one of your, funny enough our, favorite shows just came to the theater in town!” 

“And which one would that be?” Louis already knew the answer, but watching Lestat make a grand show of something fairly simply was quite entertaining. 

Lestat shook his hands and whispered dramatically, “The Merchant of Venice! I know how much you love it and it’s a one night only that starts in an hour. So either you get out of bed and see a fantastic show,” He pulled two gold trimmed tickets from his breast pocket, “or these become meaningless scraps of paper.” Lestat put on his best pout, not laying on the begging too thick, but just enough to make Louis annoyed.

He laughed to himself and stretched his arms over his head, he was hardly in the mood to leave the house tonight. However, Louis knew better than to get between Lestat and a performance. They were also perfectly fantastic seats that would surely befit the standards of a crime to go empty. 

“Leave me.” 

“What?” 

“Well I certainly can’t get dressed with you sitting there staring.” Louis smiled at him and waved his hand tiredly at the door. Lestat smiled ear to ear and nodded, trying to leave the opposite of how he arrived, quietly. “Oh and Lestat!” Louis called out to him from the bed, “Do we still have that chicken? Or have you eaten it already?” 

Lestat, without looking back, held up one finger as he pulled the door closed, “You know I prefer a different two legged meal darling; I’ll put the animal in the courtyard for you. It’s clucking and crowing has been driving me up a wall.”

Louis sighed and stared at the closed door, “The things I do for him.” 

He pulled the covers off his frigid legs. He knew that he had to eat something more substantial, but he hadn’t the energy. He really had no energy at all and moving as far as the closet made him have to stop and take a breath. Louis had never been this drained before and the thoughts of dying crept on him before he could shake them off. There was no appeal to it now, no sense of urgency. Death would give him nothing, and for the first time, he thought that perhaps life could give him everything. 

Unfortunately, he had no time to ruminate on this and every second wasted was another second he’d miss of the show. 

He dressed quickly and casually, only glancing at himself once in to mirror to slick down his hair with water before rushing downstairs. Lestat was already at the door and pacing back and forth, he was less excited about the play and moreso anxious to get Louis out of the house again. To him, the point of eternity was to live it; not rot away somewhere more than temporary. It seemed like every night Louis spent in the house was another he would spend weeping at a window. As cathartic as it may be for him, there were plenty of nights in the future better spent weeping than those they shared together. 

Louis slipped out the back door and into the courtyard, he didn’t want to eat but knew that he’d most likely die if he didn’t. There was no joy in the blood from the chicken, no euphoria or sanctity; he closed his eyes and felt the animal go limp in his arms and that was all. He could feel his senses sharpen, a subtle warmth returned to his cheeks and fingertips. Louis could again hear the sounds of the night he had so missed in his sleep. 

“Louis! We have half an hour, could you please bid the sweet fowl adieu and get to it?” 

He appeared behind Lestat and wiped some remaining blood from his upper lip, “It was quite delicious. I haven’t fed in two days, you really shouldn’t rush me.”

Lestat turned to face him, he was annoyed but happy to see him again under the moonlight, “When a show is concerned I will always rush you, the first scene always holds the most value and should never be missed!” 

“Then quit bickering and let’s be on our way.” Without waiting for a retort, Louis started off in the direction of the theater. 

He had nothing to say in response other than a chuckle, for the first time in days Lestat felt like he had his Louis back; even if it was just for tonight. They spoke of simple things on the trip across town; filling Louis in on the latest of their neighbors petty grievances, Lestat’s new vendetta against the children who play games in the street at dawn seemingly every day, crimes that for once had nothing to do with them. Louis of course wasn’t really listening to a word of it, but still enjoyed the highs and lows and genuine seriousness of Lestat’s voice. Every time he said his name he felt just a little bit more alive. 

When they arrived at the theater, they were promptly escorted to their seats just as the curtain rose and the first words of the first act echoed through the space. Lestat sighed in relief audibly and could finally relax. He had never thought himself to be an overly punctual creature, but he so loved the opening lines. 

_“In sooth, I know not why I am so sad: It wearies me; you say it wearies you. But how I caught it, found it, or came by it, What stuff 'tis made of, whereof it is born, I am to learn. And such a want-wit sadness makes of me. That I have much ado to know myself.” _The actor looked pained and wistful, a prolific sense of apathy permeated his eyes, the show itself appearing as merely a backdrop.__

__Lestat watched Louis as it struck him, words he had forgotten yet knew so well. For they were the same ones he had said to himself night after night. Louis looked to him with a quivering lip, he saw himself in the actors eyes and heard his inner torment in the words._ _

__He leaned in close to Louis’ ear, “There’s no room for crying tonight, this is a one night only after all. Let’s try to enjoy it hm?”_ _

__Louis nodded slowly and leaned down, putting his head to Lestat’s shoulder and opening his hand to him. There was a breath of hesitation before Lestat could take it and relax to the gentle intimacy of it all. Though they had already been in one another’s arms, there was something sweeter about the softness of small gestures. It was nice to be leaned on, there was sense of trust and vulnerability being given to him. If he moved, Louis moved and if he shook too much the moment would be broken. They were alone in the box and in what a mortal would see to be almost complete darkness; they were together in a world all their own._ _

__Despite the trust Louis placed in Lestat to keep his head still, he had no intention of keeping it that way.__  


_“But love is blind, and lovers cannot see the pretty follies that themselves commit.” _The actors had known their characters well and gave each word their all. It was a mystifying performance and Lestat could barely feel Louis prodding at his side with an irritating persistence. ____

_____ _

_____ _

____He swatted the hand tickling his side away, “Would you please knock that off? This is one of my favorite scenes.”_ _ _ _

_____ _

____“You’ve said that about every scene.”_ _ _ _

_____ _

____“Is that so? Hm, isn’t that interesting.” Lestat looked down at him and smiled, thinking of the consequences for only for a second before leaning in and kissing him on the forehead. He watched Louis’ face for a reaction and could only exhale when Louis kissed his shoulder in return._ _ _ _

_____ _

____It wasn’t long before the fingertip inched its way back into Lestat’s side; he couldn’t recall ever being tickled before. He had watched the children of their neighborhood commit the act on one another and it seemed perfectly horrible. The kids would scream and sometimes fall to the floor, pushing the offender off of them as soon as they were able. With that in mind, he couldn’t figure out why he was resisting the urge to laugh._ _ _ _

_____ _

____Louis watched him squirm and use his free hand to stifle a cackle. He knew that he was being a nuisance, but seeing Lestat relax after everything he’d put him through made him feel like less of a burden. Which he did, quite often. It was one of the things he thought casually and with little feeling; another stamp of his childhood that would never heal. Though with the amount of nights in front of him, he hoped like a scar it would fade overtime._ _ _ _

_____ _

____He had lost himself for longer than he meant to, Lestat’s finger was jostling the crook of his neck and he been so caught up that he hadn’t felt a thing. It itched and he felt it in the pit of his stomach and the back of his head; but as annoying as it was he laughed out loud, too loud. Someone had been stabbed on stage and he laughed out loud like he was watching Shakespeare’s greatest comedy. A violent procession of shush’s came from every angle of the room and he flushed as if he saw a ghost. Louis would’ve been horribly embarrassed had Lestat not dropped his head into down between his knees and chuckled liked a maniac into the fabric._ _ _ _

_____ _

____They broke out into a fit of muffled giggles in their seats like children, looking at one another with the hopes of stopping only to laugh harder than they did before._ _ _ _

_____ _

_"He knows me as the blind man knows the cuckoo—By the bad voice.”_

_____ _

_____ _

______When the play ended, they sat still as the lights changed the theater from their own private darkness to an amber lit observatory. The people above and below fell into a rhythm of applause and chatter, throwing roses and wildflowers to the bowing actors who so reveled in the attention. Neither payed the noise much mind, they were caught in their own wind of accolades and thanking one another for the interesting experience._ _ _ _ _ _

_____ _

______“What was your favorite scene Lestat?” Louis asked mockingly while wiping a blood tear from his eye, this time escaping in joy rather than sorrow._ _ _ _ _ _

_____ _

______He crossed his legs and put a hand to his chin, pretending to think, “I think it was when the dagger was brandished and the only sound one could hear was your dull cackle.” Lestat put his fist on his chest and sniffled, “Truly moving.”_ _ _ _ _ _

_____ _

______“Oh was it now? Mine was the complete opposite.” Louis rose from his seat and reached out a hand for Lestat to take again, “I quite enjoyed watching you stare at the fop who played Bassiano. There’s quite a lack of shame in those eyes of yours, you best be careful.”_ _ _ _ _ _

_____ _

______Lestat took his hand and started to walk for the curtain separating them from the rest of the theater, “Really? I don’t believe I remember that, it must’ve happened while I was being attacked.”_ _ _ _ _ _

_____ _

______“Well, you are quite the method actor.” Louis kissed the top of his hand and smiled at the subtle hitch in Lestat’s breath, swinging their arms gently in the air._ _ _ _ _ _

_____ _

______A lack of personal space colored their star-lit stroll back home, though neither repeated the tender gestures taken with liberties in the darkness of their seats. The only sound came from fellow creatures of the night and the laughter from between their lips, the expected rhythm of a trepidatious heartbeat found no home amongst them._ _ _ _ _ _

_____ _


	9. Couples That Cry Together, Stay Together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The same night as last chapter, Louis asks Lestat why he was turned and his answer puts a fork in the road.

They got home from the show it what to them was the middle of the day; the early hours of the morning where only they and the vagrants of the night dared to move. It was warm, they were warm, and for once felt like maybe everything would be alright. 

Louis had been dying to say something since the night he fell into Lestat’s arms and exhausted himself crying. He no longer felt like a criminal in his own skin, at least not when they were together. It was a beautiful feeling that made the joy easier to digest, something he hadn’t experienced in the times of his mortal life; even with the prettiest of girls. 

“Do you remember what you said those nights ago? About how Nicki made you feel?” Louis leaned on the dining room table with his elbows, looking across at Lestat with fondness. Though he hadn’t seen it clearly before, tonight proved to him that Lestat really was a living, breathing entity. Not just a creature who killed for sport, but one that could love, laugh, cry and feel like any mortal; if not moreso. They were more alike than Louis had ever imagined, and when it wasn’t scaring him, it made him feel something he had never felt for another man before. 

Lestat’s face went still, the smile he had held all night plastered itself to his face for longer than really appropriate. Thinking of Nicki still made his stomach flip, not in yearning, but in guilt. “I believe that I said that is was a pain I was willing to endure if it meant I could look at him just one more time.” His voice was quiet and became strained, the tenderness the night previously had began to evaporate. Lestat could feel it slipping, though he didn’t quite know how to stop it. “Why do you ask?” 

Louis rose from his seat and walked over to him, sensing the change in his demeanor and feeling bad for reminding him of his dead lover. He sat on the corner of the table in front of Lestat and grabbed his hand, “I’ve been thinking of that every time I look at you, and it’s starting to sound just about right.” 

Lestat smiled and squeezed his knuckles, “Is that so?” 

He looked down at the floor and let go. Louis had been thinking about everything Lestat had said that night over and over; it was an inescapable loop with questions he needed answers to before he moved any further. Louis felt embarrassed for asking, but pushed through for the sake of his sanity, “Lestat, I need you to tell me why you turned me.” 

“What?” He was taken aback by the question, though he knew it was coming. Lestat had been waiting for this night all year. Though he silently prayed to whoever that it would never come. 

“If what I feel for you is something to be said aloud, I need you to tell me out loud why you turned me.” Louis looked at Lestat with a hardened gaze, not because he was upset, but because he was afraid. “You told me that you turned your Nicki because you wanted to keep him forever, is that why I am as I am?” 

Lestat ran his hand along his chin and looked up at the ceiling. He knew that this would happen eventually. A slip of the tongue, a wrong word, murmuring in French he forgot Louis could understand. The truth would come out and the fear he held with him since that first moon would crumble on top of him. Louis didn’t know and there was no reason for him to; it would only hurt him in the end. Lestat knew that he had been selfish, it was the pitfall of his existence along with his unbearable pride. Now it was time to reap the unwanted harvest. 

“You are as you are because I made you, yes.”

“That didn’t answer the question. Did you or did you not make me as you did Nicki? To have and to keep rather than to live and breathe.” 

Lestat slammed his hand down from his chin to the table, making Louis flinch, “Please! Please stop saying his name.” He felt the pit of his stomach open up. There could be no lies, no sugarcoating, he knew that Louis deserved better than that. Lestat couldn’t look him in the eyes, “You were meant to be different, better.” 

His eyes went wide, “I- I what?” Louis thought that he misheard, that Lestat said the wrong thing; he hoped to God that he said the wrong thing.

“I loved Nicki so much in life that when I was made I couldn’t bear the thought of living without him and watching him die,” Lestat laughed to himself bitterly, “In the end I ended up doing both.” He turned away from Louis and spoke the truth now, one of which he was wholly ashamed to admit, “You were to be made of unselfish desires and pure intentions. Do you know how long I watched you for? Days, weeks even; I watched you lie in bed in your own sweat and regret, dreaming of your own death in the prime of your life. You were so beautiful to me then.” Lestat wiped a falling tear from his chin and stood up, turning his back to Louis in shame. “You still are now, though it’s a different kind of beauty.”

“Is that all I am to you, a beautiful trophy for you to take and put high on a shelf?” It was Louis’ turn to yell, he couldn’t believe what he was hearing. This did not sound like love to him, it sounded like ownership. 

Lestat whipped around in horror, he wasn’t finished yet and couldn’t let his words go abridged; for if interrupted he sounded like a monster. “No! God no! You- you couldn’t live in a world like that! A world so harsh and cold and unforgiving. With beauty and such empathy as you have, you deserved to see everything that mortal riches and limitations couldn’t give you. I didn’t wish to keep you, protect you as I did him,” Lestat looked to Louis with tears in his eyes, he could see the pain and damage he had caused. Nicki had looked at him the same way so many times before, “I wanted to give you everything you could never give yourself.”

“Am I just a child to you then? Someone you have to coddle and hold hands with and ask to look both ways before crossing the road? I am a grown man Lestat, one capable of making my own decisions and showing myself all that I wish! I wanted death then and it was death I deserved if I so decided it myself.” Louis walked past him and into the hall, his chest had begun it’s familiar palpitations with a fiery rage burning a hole where his heart should be. “I need no savior!”

His maker yelled to his back, staring with red-rimmed eyes at the illuminated figure he so wished to recognize, “Then why do you look to God? What has he ever done for you besides grant you pain you can never leave behind and death where innocence should be?”

Louis froze and spoke to him coldly, “Speak carefully now Lestat, or you may accidentally speak of yourself.” He turned on his heels to face Lestat fully. The sight of the tears streaming down his cheeks nearly drove him to flee. It was something he had always done when things proved too worrisome or difficult to hear. Though this time, it was the matters of his very mortality that were the subject. Children run, and Louis decided with his sweltering rage that he was no longer a child.

“I gave you everything!” Lestat went to him, the tempers he had tried to hard to leave behind now coming to the surface in hot tears and pulsing veins, “I gave you the very essence of who I was! My blood, my gift, my passions! I shared with you the deepest pain I’ve ever experienced, handed it to you on a silver platter, because you asked me to. Louis I told you that I would do anything if you asked me to and that means telling you the truth. If you’d just let me finish-“ 

Louis raised his hand and quietly demanded silence. His tears fell freely but he spoke with no emotion, “I think I’ve heard enough.” 

The house fell quiet, a disgusting and unsettling quiet. The same that overcomes a person in the trenches of grief or the streets after a thunderstorm. There’s a staleness in the air, words pass by in unseen forms yet their affects are felt all the same. Palpable tension replaces oxygen that strikes one in the gut like a bolt of lightening, but bitter silence fills in the gaps rather than the words that go desperately unsaid.

Louis thought back to Lestat’s tale of the damned Nicki, left to his devices and set ablaze in his sorrow. Would that too become him? So overwhelmed in his pain that even the promises of eternal love mean nothing? Perhaps, he died long ago and every feeling since his passing was but a sick emulation of a life now lost. 

Lestat knew that he would leave now, there was nothing holding him anymore. He could see from the look in Louis’ cold eyes that whatever they had earlier was gone. It was only a matter of time before he saw the smoke rise in a black haze from the chimney. He had done it again, and he hated himself for it. 

But he was going to finish speaking, for he did not like to be interrupted. He bowed his head in raw pain and whispered, “I wanted to give you everything, everything you could never give yourself. I don’t mean worldly, virtually meaningless possessions that we surround ourselves with for status and comfort. I wanted to give you love. All of it, everything that I am and all that I ever was.” Lestat started to pace, still unable to look Louis in the eyes, “I watched in horror as the weeks went by of your mortal life without the single breath of an ‘I love you’. You were so beautiful to me, yes of course in physicality, but also in spirit. I had never seen someone ache for something so badly in my entire life. For love, for understanding and more importantly,” Lestat looked up at him finally and watched the tears pour down his perfect cheeks, “For someone to listen to your sorrow and hold you when you cried alone at night.”

Louis could pretend to ignore the yelling, disappear off to his hiding place in his head and wait for the vibrations to stop. He could not, however, disregard the whispers and murmurs he would hear slip from anyone at such a close distance as they were now. Lestat had found a way to speak to him in a way he couldn’t push past; the irritating inescapability of his hearing. 

He felt his rage dull into a throb, a want to reach out and touch but a need to hold his ground. Lestat needed to see him angry, truly angry, to treat him like more than a tall child. The tears fell though, he could not prevent his eyes from saying what his mouth would not. Louis couldn’t leave, he knew that he couldn’t. Lestat was not the only place he could be, but the only place he wanted to be. Pain was a part of life, even ones as eternal as theirs.

“I need to be alone.” 

“Where will you go?” Lestat looked frantically to the door, he could stand in front of it if he ran now. 

“Nowhere.” 

He took a step towards Louis, careful and slow, “I love you, more than I’ve ever loved someone in my entire life. Please, never take that as a lie.”

Louis turned his back to him and walked to whatever wing of the house his feet would take him, so long as it was away from here. “I don’t, it’s the only thing I can ever really believe.” He whispered under his breath, a tear catching itself on his bottom lip before falling to the floor.


	10. Your Forever Is All That I Need

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "A year was not needed to show him why he wanted to live anymore, the reason was latched to his waist and breathing softly into his neck."
> 
> Some dialogue inspired by Unfinished Business by White Lies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had a great time writing this story, thank you to everyone that left kudos and comments!

The month that followed was silent. 

They passed one another like ghosts, if they ever saw one another at all. Louis avoided him like the plague and despite reaching out absently, he couldn’t bring himself to make contact. He had to be apart to see for himself if he really wanted to be with Lestat at all. Would he find the same safety in being alone? Or was he too far gone from his telltale sadness to enjoy his empty any longer? 

Time answered him in bright red letters and sleepless dawns; he was in love. 

This love did not seal itself in pretty wrapping paper or under the wax of a love letter. It was loud and it was painful, coming from a beginning less than favorable and of an intensity that would make Juliet weep. He had been shown this in small gestures and quiet looks a kind of love he could’ve only dreamed of when he was a boy. 

A love that would take him away from the whispers of a sin he had no choice in committing, for God gave him his face and there was nothing he could to do change it. He decided in the grips of what he could only imagine to be the fear of loss, that if this was what it meant to be Lucifer, than his own fall from grace was a pale comparison to what he felt now. 

The turmoil he felt inside he knew would never cease. There were too many years of suffering behind and in front of him for Louis to ever be comfortable letting that rope go. However, that did not mean that Lestat’s words that night were a lie; he deserved to be happy like everyone else. Being a vampire or being with him did not make it impossible, just hard. 

Their house had reverberated with the sounds of keystrokes every night. A musical embodiment of what the pianist felt, deep regret. Lestat could only play the slowest of songs for they required the least bit of effort for him. They were hauntingly familiar and made him think of the last time he deserved to feel as dark as the tempo. 

“I never cease to amaze myself, you would think I’d have learned by now.” He spoke to himself and laid down hard on the keys, pouring his pain into an echo of beauty. 

Louis watched him silently from the door, his head leaning on the frame and a sad look in his eyes. In this moment of sorrow he had seen Lestat in unfiltered clarity. He was beautiful and angry and everything else that he felt all set on display in the angles of his face. They emulated and mirrored one another in a way so unparalleled, Louis could have wept. There was no one alive or dead who could or would understand him like Lestat did and despite his shortcomings and errors, that was not to be ignored. 

“Yes, I would’ve.” Louis walked over to the piano and leaned on the cover. “You’re a fair bit older than I am Lestat, what a grand example you set.”

He grinned sarcastically and kept playing, “Have you come back down to mock me? Or is this your final goodbye?” 

It wasn’t lost on Louis that Lestat had expected him to leave, he could read it on his face every time he caught his eye in a mirror or behind a corner. Each day was another surprise to him and an elongation of what Lestat thought to be the inevitable. 

“I wasn’t planning on doing either, but if that’s what you wish…” He trailed off just to see how Lestat would react. The fear of being alone had struck them both dead all of their lives, would it mean anything if it was really within reach? 

Lestat’s hands fell slack on the keys, a small whisper of the last note floated between them as his eyes darted around the skin between his fingers, “I wish for you to see that I’m sorry. So irrevocably sorry that I forced you to live a life you didn’t build for yourself. It hasn’t been a year, but if death is what you wish, I understand.” 

“Why would I do that?” Louis smiled a little bit and lolled his head to the side. There was no amusement in seeing Lestat in pain; it was a smile for what was to come. 

“What?” 

He walked around the piano and sat down next to Lestat on the bench. His cheeks were rosy and his leg felt warm. He missed this, badly. “Why would I kill myself now? Things just became interesting.” Louis looked to his insides for a sign, was this all a dream for him? Would be wake up from this spell more devoid than he had ever been? Or was this feeing for forever?

“Louis I-“ His stomach fell into knots when Lestat spoke his name. “I don’t think I understand. Aren’t I the devil to you?” 

He leaned in close, leaving the smallest inch of space between their lips, “I can see him in your eyes, as I do mine, but I don’t feel him in your fingertips.” 

A chill rushed down Lestat’s spine, he felt hope run along his bones with it. Louis was not Nicki, that was the hope and that was the point. He couldn’t be with such apathy and grit his teeth to the lackluster pessimism that ate his ex-lover alive. Louis had bloomed before his eyes like a moonflower in the dead of night. What Lestat could show him in lusts for life, Louis could show him in sensitivities always denied. It was a meeting alined by the Gods and thrown to the wind in hopes of eventual realization. 

“Perhaps you haven’t felt close enough.” Lestat snaked an arm around his waist and held on tight, still afraid he would run. 

Louis put a hand to Lestat’s chest, the shake of his heartbeat mixed with the flowing of his blood through his fingers had created a new kind of symphony, “Perhaps I haven’t.” He leaned in and pressed their lips together, eyes closing in the finality and perfection of the moment and not opening a second sooner.

The piano was obsolete now, they made the kind of music in heartbeats and laughter that would bring Mozart to tears. A love rippled around them which Shakespeare could only dream of furiously copying down. They were to define the ages together, both now finally on the same page in a book with no end. 

It was a new level of intimacy to be latched at the hip and mouth but no closer. The boundary was outlined bold and clear, moving past the lips would taint the air and was meant for a night not as dark as this. They were together, finally together, in a way they couldn’t overthink and never say. Words meant nothing in a moment defined by physicality and the inherent romance of being silently adored. 

Louis, having felt with his lips and tongue everything the devil would never give him but Lestat laid bare, unlinked himself by the mouth and took him in with his eyes. “I’ve felt and I’ve seen. You are not the devil to me, but so much more.” 

“What would that be?” Lestat felt a warmth in the pit of his stomach and a dizziness about his head. There was a swoon that, even if Louis said he hated him, could not be castaway. 

Louis caressed Lestat’s face with the back of his hand and looked deeply into his eyes, “My salvation.”

“I thought you didn’t need a savior?” He was joking, though neither found it funny. 

“I don’t. But I needed love, I needed to know what it was and what it felt like and what it meant. You gave all of that to me in such a way, that I don’t think I can live without it.” Louis put his hand behind Lestat’s head and pressed their foreheads together. “I can’t live without you. I love you.”

There was no sound; just those three words and the rhythm of their breathing. Lestat had missed them, a boomerang thrown and never returned. 

Louis watched his face shirt from shock, to confusion and ending in the brightest smile he had ever seen. “Don’t fall backwards on me now, I don’t think I could carry you up the stairs.” He laughed at his own joke and saw Lestat continue to speed run through the different phases of listening and processing a sentence.  
“Could you say it again?” 

“I love you.” Louis stroked his cheekbone with a light finger, “I love you very much.”

“One more time?” Lestat leaned into his touch, ensuring for himself over and over again that he was real. 

He furrowed his brows, “Have you not heard me?” Before Lestat could say something back, Louis leaned over and whispered in his ear, _“je t’aime.” _He slipped from Lestat’s grip and stood up, dizzy from the contact but adjusting to the open affection. Louis quickly realized that he missed him already. He held out a hand, “Get off your low, let’s dance like we used to.”__

__“There’s no music, unless you’re suggesting we go somewhere.” Lestat look the open hand and pulled it to his shoulder; Louis let him take the lead and they swayed side to side._ _

__Louis shook his head, “God no, we’ll make our own music if we become so terribly off rhythm. Besides, I don’t want to see anyone else tonight. I’ve wasted too much time turning my head and looking elsewhere.” He caught himself, what did wasting time mean to them?_ _

__“Louis,” Lestat spoke softly and with a purpose, spinning him around like a top and watching the way his hair shined in the candlelight, “I’ve never loved someone more in my entire life as I love you.”_ _

__He laughed, knowing the statement held unalienable truth, but the drama still invoked a chuckle, “And how long has that been? Your life I mean.”_ _

__“Long enough to know that there can never and will never be another you. You’ve ruined me forever, and I’m eternally grateful for it.” Lestat pulled him close and rested his chin on his shoulder. Is was more of a swaying hug than a dance, but neither of them really cared._ _

__Louis put his lips to the shell of his ear, “Your forever is all that I need.”_ _

__It was a defining statement, not only to the ear but to the soul. Never in this year of life had Louis found a reason to live such as this. No amount of dances or romps through the park on their own could have made him wish to see another moon. It was the solitude of his mind that kept him sane, a feeling of only being understood by himself and never aloud that locked him in place. He no longer had a need for is solitude, he had someone to share his lonely with._ _

__A year was not needed to show him why he wanted to live anymore, the reason was latched to his waist and breathing softly into his neck._ _

__The feeling of Louis under his fingertips should have been enough for Lestat to see that the end wasn’t near; surely is was the opposite. But memories of holding, being held and being left in the morning followed him in his sleep. The sweetness of the moment meant so much to him; the lack of control in its beginning and uncertainty in its ending gave him a level of safety no one had ever shown him before._ _

__He spoke up suddenly, desperate to hold on but afraid to suffocate, “Please, never leave. We may separate and experience life differently, as that’s what time does. But please, please,” He looked into Louis’ eyes, pained and in love all at once, “come back to me.”_ _

__Louis pulled them apart by Lestat’s hips and looked at him; his face was dead serious and pleading. His month long silence had put Lestat into a frenzy of a similar replication to the nights in Paris he spent alone. “I’m not going anywhere anytime soon, like I said before; things just became interesting. You wouldn’t leave in the middle of a play would you?_ _

__“I would if it was terrible.”_ _

__Louis kissed him again, slow and soft; it had only been their second but somehow he found a comforting sense of familiarity in the divot of his Cupid’s bow. “Well lucky for us, I’m starting to really like this one. I think we should stay for the encore.”_ _

__“Oh, really?” Lestat took the back of Louis’ head into his palm and dropped him into a dip._ _

__He was startled and laughed into Lestat’s mouth, the vibration tickled their lips, “Mhm, you better be quiet; this scene is my favorite.”_ _

__They laughed and they danced and they kissed all night. It was one spent with tears of joy instead of tears of shame. Every evening wasted in silent yearning caught up with them tonight. If one were to squint their eyes and look through the glass, they might mistake the pair for lovestruck teenagers rather than monsters of men._ _

__The times ahead were not to be easy nor filled with a lack of tragedy. Although they were immortals, each one of their kind is formed in the skin of a mortal man. Neither were immune from the diseases of jealousy and time passing by faster than it seemed to before. Lestat had decades worth of guilt wound into such a tender frame and it would take decades to pull out the knots. Louis knew this and brought to the table his own guilt and pain. A match made in Hell and locked together in love. They would learn together how to slowly and patiently release the other of this seemingly shared weight._ _

__Some of the smallest knots take the longest to unwind. Some of the saddest stories have the most beautiful endings._ _


End file.
